July 10, 2018 -
Another year plus has gone by since my last post. 
I have read  little of the past posts and it is inconceivable to me that so much time has gone by and yet nothing about our day to day life has changed much.  Terry continues to watch tv - game shows day in and day out and doze in and out.  He seems quite content with this and sees no reason to change.  Our conversations are much the same, I talk and am ignored, I guess that I should be used to it and for the most part I am but I keep hoping for some kind of reaction.
In January Terry's father passed away and that was very hard on him.  He has not shown much empathy for anything in a very long time but his father's death hit him.  It seemed to just put him into more of a funk.  His sister Lori calls him a lot and tries to get him to talk but he doesn't have much to say.  His sister Cheri has been in charge of Dad's estate and she has been a nightmare to deal with.  Her desire to be the executor of the estate has become a dictator and she has hurt everyone with her actions.  Pure evil and her dismissal of Terry has hurt me deeply, he may not be a conversationalist but he does still have feelings and thoughts. 
In April we were in NY when he experienced issues with urinating.  I took him to the emergency room where they determined he needed to be seen by a urologist so he was sent to St Vincents in Erie, PA where they removed a large cancerous tumor from his bladder.  We returned to MI and he has been treated at VA in Ann Arbor.  There was talk of removing the bladder and prostate, taking a piece of the bowel and attaching it to his kidneys to have his urine empty into a bag but it was determined that he is too weak for that major surgery.  His cancer is incurable.  He was then scheduled to have his bladder scraped but the doctors have determined that the anesthesia could do more damage to his brain than the surgery would help the cancer.  He is supposed to start Palliative Radiation at VA in the near future.  The plan is for him to be in a facility for five weeks for this treatment.
I have my job in NY and this is the busiest season for my area.  I went out there to work for ten days while Lori (Terry's sister) stayed with him (he could have gone but  she wanted to help me, God Bless her, and have some bonding time with her brother).  Apparently Lori had to ask for help a couple of times and this was MY FAULT!!  See the lovely note I received in a text while I was working in NY.
Along with this kind note I have seen facebook comments directed at me other judgmental things.
Not one phone call or visit from the author of the note!!  Four days since I got this!!
Well, we are ALL dying!  I must do my job so I can keep it, if I survive after Terry I will have to have my income and my sanity.  I work daily to retain my sanity. Some days are easier than others. 
I have feared since the first diagnosis that one day my life would come to a screeching halt and I believe that day has come. I now clean up shit several times a day, laundry, etc.  Lori fears for my safety, it is really nice to have someone that actually knows first hand how very hard it is to be a care taker.  The very best part was when he allowed his bitch of a sister come to visit him in our home after I said no.  That will not happen if I am here, I will not allow it and I don't think she has that much nerve. 
The loneliest is the worst, it is very hard to be alone but not really alone.  Not sure if that makes sense but it does to me.  I pray I can keep my sanity.