Moving on

Last week Mitch Albom wrote a column about missing his mother, she is alive but had a stroke and can't speak to him. The article hit home with me because he said he was sure she was "still there" and he wondered if she could comprehend what was said to her, if she remembered the family and events.
As I was taking care of my Mom there were many times when I felt overwhelmed and shamefully annoyed that she couldn't grasp simple tasks like using her walker or a pen or fork. Some days she spoke gibberish and put her clothes on upside down and backwards and insisted she was right. On the occasions that she would correct my grammar or mention a family member by name I would take comfort "that my Mom is still in there somewhere".
It has been months now since her passing and I no longer wake in the night hearing her moving about or screaming, it is getting easier to go to the grocery store and seeing the items that I used to buy just for her. I have cleared the salmon that she loved from my freezer but her books are still on the bookshelf in "her" room.
I feel her presence, particularly when I am at my daughters house. Mom was never there, it was purchased with the inheritance money from her estate, but I know she is there with us as we transform this vacant property into a home for Amy and Kaiti. My Dad is with us as well. I feel they are a unit now like they really never were on earth.
The feelings that I failed my Mom are starting to subside, I know in my head that I did the best I could but the what ifs weigh heavily on my heart.