I did know what I was getting into when Mom came to live with us, at least I want to beleive I did. Some where in my mind I thought that with her meds on time and her nutrition needs monitored that she would get back to being my Mom eventually. Alas it has been fifteen months and this has not come to pass. We do still see some "good days" but they are more like "good hours" or even minutes.

Mom still knows who I am most days but is not sure where she is or why she is here. She talks of "going home" a lot. I used to think she meant her house to live by herself again but lately I have come to think she means home to God. Some times when she is most lucent she will tell me she loves us all and them asks God to take her. This can be some what disturbing but I try to understand that in those moments she understands what her life is now and is just done.

It is not often that I can get her to go out side but when I do she seems to enjoy it and is not in a hurry to come back inside. She really does not take pleasure in much of anything anymore. My little Grand nephew being the exception to that statement. She seems to light up when Deacon is in the house but at fifteen months he is quite entertaining and he loves his "Granny" with unabashed vigor. The other Great grandchildren are loder and they see a Granny that is different than the one they have known.

Mom's 82nd birthday is coming this thursday and I am apprehensive since I have heard that people that are nearing the end tend to die within three days of events like birthdays. I am not ready to have her pass, are you ever ready for losing someone? I know she will never be more than what I have now but sometimes I still see my Mom in the tiny shell of her that is now living in my home.